Livet

Now getting more of a perspectiv on my life, allthough i'm only in my twenties, but as far as i'm concerned i think i'm getting a hang of it.

Getting a clearer view on things , i have always had this thick fog infront of me but i can sertanly see it all so clearer now. I dont know what or how it happened but i think i'm getting a grip on life. Of course i have my bad days too, but i think i can handle them better than i did before. Someone once told me " You dont always have to analyse everything that happens, just let it be and enjoy life as it it". Then i thought for myself , maybe i should'nt take life as serious as i always have been doing. Maybe i should take

the days as it is delivered to me.

Let faith decides what happens, because i now know that i can't predict the future. I've always been a dreamer, dreamt of things that was so far off my existing life. There is nothing wrong with having dreams, as a young child i was very happy and full of fantasis and a big dreamer at the heart. But as the years gone by, growing older, i've lost the touch of a "dreamer". Of course i still have my dreams, but it's not the same. It's not the giggeling feeling inside, and as a child i really thouht my dreams would come true, but now as we all know, the dreams we have that are so distant cant come true. Now i sound like a real pessimist, but really, i've lost it. As you grow old you start to realise reality and it's really tough! I dont want to loose the dreamer i once had in me. What have i now become?! An old dull lady?! For gods sake i'm only twenty.....plus one....

Have i lost the will to live as a dreamer? Is it wrong as an adult to have dreams? I dont know anymore and i dont have the energy to analyse that, as i said, maybe i should let it pass my way. I've always been this person full of feelings but sadly i dont know what i now have become. I'm feeling empty, cold inside and my batteries are on low. It's hard to handle it, and to know that i have to carry on to protect the thinn shall i have left. My energy is out of order. Inside everything is breaking apart, but i still have my smile to rely on, on the outside. Sometimes things are just much harder than i ever expected, then i turn my head the other way, and hope it all will go away.

I cant put up with things anymore, i've been torn down far to many times. And in my head i make up that i've got a huge massive big self-esteem. but when it comes down to it, i'm pettrefied.

I'm like this little dog with his tiny small legs , standing there, shaking til' death and his eyes is screaming for help and to be rescued. I dont know why i'm feeling this way, maybe i'm afraid of being hurt. Maybe i'm insecure of what i've got? I really dont want to loose the things that i love, the things that i fought so hard to get. It has not been the easiest road to walk through. But why is this feeling >doubt< in my head recall? I know i've made my choises in life, and i love everything i've got. But why am i so bloddy insecure of myself?? All i want to feel is safe. Anyway......

Now i've got this great life in deed and i'm happy in a way. I just wish i was'nt so mixed up with loads of feelings inside. But maybe i'll have to live with them, maybe they're just a part of who i am.

I think i am and always will be, a person full of thoughts and analyses who stands next to the litte dog ,with the shaking legs and his eyes is screaming to be rescued.

What if......